Yesterday I hit a wall that I never hit before and I was scared. I was scared because it was a new wall I’ve never seen or experienced before.
The wall I hit was the wall of insecurity and wanting to run away because things were getting tough.
I got in a really dark place yesterday when my mind told me I had enough.
I had enough of the struggle.
I had enough of the bullshit.
I had enough of the fight.
I was tired.
All I wanted to do was give up.
I simply wanted to just say “Fuck It” to everything and leave without a word and disappear into the night.
But last night was different. Instead of just giving up and burning everything to the ground, I chose to reach out to a group of people that I consider my dear friends and confidants.
Reaching out last night instead of running away is what saved me from repeating the cycle of the past 20 years of my life.
Did I have thoughts of packing up a suitcase and just start walking without regard of where I was headed? Yes, I did.
Did I want to give up on myself, yet again, and just run away? Yes, I did.
Did I actually do what I was thinking in my head? No, I did not.
That is what made yesterday so profoundly different. I have learned the ability to listen to ego, and just choose to simply ignore it because I know it’s just a bunch of bullshit it’s trying to pitch to me.
It’s saying, “You’re not good enough.”
It’s saying, “You’re not worth it.”
It’s saying, “You’re not capable of it.”
But I know that isn’t true.
I am good enough.
I am worth it.
And I am damn sure capable enough to do whatever it is I choose to do in this life.
Lastly, I want to simply say Thank You to that group of individuals that cared enough to reach out.
That cared enough to call me on my bullshit limiting thoughts.
That cared enough to hold me in my power.
I love you all with everything in my being.
I AM BACK IN THE GAME BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE.